The first time Layba Zubair realised what happened to her was rape, she was looking up at a poster that had been put up at her school for consent-awareness week.
Content warning: This article discusses rape and sexual violence.
The poster said something like ‘this is not OK’ or ‘if you see something, say something’ and it struck a chord with her.
“Those nights had been buried off in my brain. I didn’t really think too much about them after it happened.”
She struggled to talk about what happened with her parents because of cultural differences.
“I’m not even supposed to be alone with a boy. It’s so much harder to explain that I’ve been raped by a boy.”
‘Something needs to be done’
Ying Ingrid Wang is a research fellow at the University of Auckland’s Centre for Arts and Social Transformation.
She’s published research which delves into the sexual violence experiences of young Asian New Zealanders and the barriers that might prevent them from accessing support at school.
She said she was motivated to do the project because it fills a huge gap in research for New Zealand’s growing Asian community.
“Hearing these hidden stories and knowing that something needs to be done. I want to fight for my community.”
The report revealed that young Asian survivors of sexual violence are negatively impacted by the same things other survivors are impacted by in New Zealand, such as long wait times for support and infrequent access to it.
It found parental expectations and the model minority stereotype are some of the pressures that specifically silence this group and make them reluctant to seek help.
In countries where Asian people are a minority, Asian communities are sometimes referred to as a ‘model minority’.
According to the Pew Research Center, it’s because people often associate these communities with stereotypes such as being high achieving, hardworking, financially well off, and respectful to authority figures.
Asian New Zealanders can feel pressure to conform to those stereotypes and Wang said “being a high achiever can be a coping mechanism”.
In many Asian communities, academic success is highly valued while dating and having sex as a teenager can be culturally frowned upon.
Wang’s research found if an Asian student has been sexually harmed, they could potentially view this as a failure and a disappointment to their parents, and can resort to focussing on their academics to make up for it.
That can be especially true for Asian rangatahi with migrant parents who could have told them they moved to New Zealand just for their children, and hard work is how they can repay them, Wang said.
She added that good academic results also make it harder for schools to spot that a student isn’t doing OK as they might seem fine on the surface.
Navigating ‘cultural intricacies’
Zubair, 20, was born in New Zealand and grew up in Pakistan before moving back to Aotearoa for high school.
She said she grew up in a very religious household where her mum turned off the TV if anything about sex came up on it, and even holding hands with a boy is a no-go in her culture.
“There’s so many cultural intricacies.”
When she did eventually speak to her family about her rape, Zubair said they were angry, frustrated, and wanted to know how she allowed herself to be in that position.
Zubair said many people would call their response ‘victim blaming’, but she saw it as them looking for a justification or a rationale as to why it happened.
“My parents were brought up in a certain way, and in their minds and their hearts, I know that they love me… My parents tried the best that they could.”
Wang said caregivers of Asian survivors of sexual harm carry a lot of guilt and shame for what happens to their children but are unable to openly process it.
Caregivers may have their own traumas around sex but discussing sex and sexual violence can be taboo, especially when they are seen to threaten a family’s honour, she said.
Wang said that can manifest into young survivors being asked to stay silent by their family in order to protect their collective reputation.
Caregivers also might have different understandings of consent and gender roles which they pass onto their children, like one participant who told Wang she learned from her mother that it was a woman’s duty to have sex.
Report recommends culturally responsive support
Wang’s research found many support providers lacked cultural awareness and sensitivity needed to offer effective help to young Asian survivors.
Implementing culturally responsive will be a systematic change but it starts with a lack of judgement, and the willingness to learn other cultures, Wang said.
She added that no one is born with cultural competence and culture is always evolving so it’s a constant process of learning.
Wang said a one-size-fits-all approach won’t work because ‘Asian’ encompasses a wide variety of cultures.
Then there’s an added element of understanding how a person’s Asian identity intersects with their identity as a young person, she said.
The report found support worked best when it recognised every young person as an individual with their own needs, and asked them what kind of therapy they want to receive and what makes them happy.
Asian migrant families might not understand New Zealand’s healthcare system so Wang recommended schools host parent nights where they share information about what support is available for their children.
Young people need all of their environments – school, home and community – to be culturally competent for them, she said.
