There are few situations where it’s acceptable to tell someone else’s child off, according to child psychologist Emma Woodward.
Speaking to Breakfast this morning, Woodward said it’s acceptable if the child is in danger, but disciplining or parenting someone else’s children is not anyone else’s responsibility.
“For example if you’ve got two younger children playing and one of the kids gets a little bit het up and you’re the only grown up around and one of the children pushes another child, then it’s definitely OK to get down on their level and say ‘hey shall we play more kindly or shall we do this’ and use humour or diversion to redirect.”
Woodward said it’s the same if it’s two older children playing together — it’s perfectly OK for adults to step in and stop any dangerous behaviour.
“But telling a child off in terms of your judgement about their behaviour could be perceived as a criticism and therefore can create some defensiveness rather than the behaviour that you want to see.”
“Ask yourself are we responding to a safety need, is it something that shouldn’t happen, is it a value judgement or is it safety? You want children to look at you as the parent with the answers, not someone who is cross,” she said.
Woodward said it’s also important not to judge other parents or their children, even if they might be behaving badly.
“When it’s a judgement call, you’re actually not teaching them anything you are shaming them.
“You are risking relationships with people in your community, it’s not pro social. It actually makes the child feel scared and it gets more chaotic.
“Grown-ups are supposed to be kids’ protectors. It actually causes a bad perception on the kid from their peers. There’s a fine balance.”
