Sofie Louise is a trained Sex and Libido Coach who is passionate about supporting women to access more desire, pleasure and radiance in the bedroom.
ADVICE: The world of libido and turn-on can feel complicated and confusing. It can simultaneously feel like there’s too much and also not enough information on how to experience more arousal and get your sex life thriving again.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are three surprising and simple ways to generate some excitement when you need it.
Go bungee jumping
There are a variety of things that happen within the body when we’re aroused. Typically your skin will become flushed, certain parts of the body fill with blood, and your breathing, blood pressure and heart rate increase.
By mimicking some of the physiological symptoms of arousal through other means, you can trick the body into believing that it is already turned on. Activities like bungee jumping, jogging, drinking coffee, and play-wrestling tend to invoke many of these same responses, and thus these activities can be used to your advantage.
A similar approach is often used by those with anxiety. Excitement and anxiety create the same responses within the body, meaning that you can trick yourself into believing that you’re actually just really looking forward to that big work presentation.
Eat some oysters
Foods like oysters, garlic, chocolate and dates are known for their apparent ability to increase sexual desire, to the point that some of these are even avoided by religious followers for fear that they will lead to an “over-indulgence in sex.”
To this day, there are no studies that concretely prove the aphrodisiac properties of any of these foods. However, sexual desire is particularly prone to the placebo effect.
This was discovered in the pharmaceutical industry’s mission to create a female version of the drug viagra to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder in women. During clinical trials, one study found that 40% of participants who were given a sugar pill (a non-active pill that they were told would increase their libido) reported an improvement in their sex lives.
This is one of the strongest placebo effects observed within medical research, and, while the elusive “pink viagra” is yet to have been created with the desired results, this can be used in your favour. If you believe that oysters or chocolate are going to increase your interest in sex, it’s likely that this will become true.
It’s well known that a regular meditation practice benefits mental health, but what does it do for your sexual health?
Stress and anxiety are significant killers of sexual desire for the majority of the population. However, committing to regular meditations can support you to process stress better and alleviate the impact that this is having on your sex life. Simply doing a ten-minute meditation before a sexy date night can help you to take your foot off the desire-brakes.
Additionally, it’s common for many of my clients to struggle with being fully present during sex. Instead, they (and much of the population) find themselves becoming distracted by to-do lists and financial worries during the act. This often means that sex becomes less pleasurable.
By creating a regular meditation practice, you grow your ability to bring your focus inwards to what is happening within your body, which, when implemented during sex, will lead to greater experiences of pleasure and orgasms. The better the sex that you’re having, the more you’ll crave it and the higher that your libido will become.
These three tactics are straightforward, simple ways of tapping into your excitement to jump into bed. However, it’s important to note that, while these will work for some, others will require more in depth, personalised solutions to create the libido that they dream of, like processing a partner’s past infidelity or moving through body criticisms.